Christmas Eve full movie review - This movie stunk worse than the fart in the elevator
Don't waste your time, clearly the writers didn't! This movie pretends to put diverse people in a interesting situation and promises to deliver something entertaining.
We set a low bar, expecting little more than a lifetime Christmas special. But this movie tripped over that bar on its way to awful! It fails! One black character and a horrible caricature of Latin characters clutching their statues of Mary and delivering tamales, are what passes for diversity.. The ending ties up no loose ends what so ever! The only reason we continued to watched this movie was find out the answer to the riddle about the wine bottle (spoiler alert: push the cork in- there, now YOU don't have to watch it! )
Elevator 1: leering creep and terrified girl. This isn't the start of a romcom, it's a horror movie. The photographer so pushes boundaries that he could easily be arrested in 49 states. She's says her name is Ann, and he immediately takes liberties with it calling her "Annie". Tell you daughters to run, not walk, away from this guy!
Elevator 2: weird group of mall goers. What husband doesn't wait for his wife at a hospital. There's no pay off for tattoo guy and the jilted musician with the matching tattoo in elevator 3! OCD guy tries to get tall to impress one of the ditzes, but then who shows up on the bench at the end, with the nervous musician from elevator 3- is she his wife? How do they even know each other? And the art docent, what on earth is he babbling about?!
Elevator 3: The musicians, this has the most potential, but what adult musicians would behave like a middle school band, with a gun! ? (Who farted? whoever smelt it dealt it! ) The unrequited love pay off between two musicians, where did that come from? Why doesn't the violinist woman want to play silent night, what's her story? The film makers never tell it!
Elevator 4: The hospital- what should be a hallmark hall of fame story gets completely ruined by a pair orderlies acting like 12 year old boys. I wanted the doctor to bitch slap them. He was too busy denying the existence of God and arguing with nurse angel about her revelations and the color of a dying woman's car (hey, filmmakers no one but no one in NYC has a car! ) . Then the patient wakes up, learns her fate, tells them she doesn't plan to tell her husband, but he will probably figure it out when she starts to smell like old fish! This one wraps up with the doctor offering a half hearted prayer (hey, filmmaker- where's the damn miracle cure!? ) and an orderly pedaling off in his urine soaked scrubs (they launder and replace these in the hospital for free, dude! )
Elevator 5: Solving the worlds energy crisis! A pair of employees, boss and underling who the boss just fired whip up the solution to deliver power to the whole wide world, on an elevator, and there was peace on earth. Two of the better actors, but no payoff since we learn that the employee is the BF of the girl trapped with the sexual predator in elevator 1 (is she poor or not?) and the neglected son of the Patrick Stewart's business man, and we never see him reunite with either of them!
Which brings us to elevator 6: Patrick Stewart, the reason you all came to this movie! He must have read the soliloquy and thought it might be good practice, or maybe the filmmakers had incriminating photos of him, either way, a great actor with a mouth full of crap writing! Worse than his character and the ridiculous things he says is that the filmmakers never resolve his story. After his come to Jesus moment in an outdoor elevator (where he could have easily been removed by a crane) He's screaming at bikers from his limo, never finds the son he realized he's ignored, and shakes and mutters at the mall rats laughing as they cross the street.
Don't even get us started on the total suspension of disbelief about the actual elevator/fire/power crisis. All of it is too ridiculous to even get started on.
The bottom line is this movie is so bad that one feels that what really happened is the filmmakers shot footage, then edited it, and everything that was left on the floor got made into THIS movie! Don't waste your time or put another dime in the pocket of the people who thought this was entertainment or art or whatever!