Cyborg X full movie review - If you like girls with big bazookas this will be right up your street!
A nice Resident Evil'esque beginning with an equally Mila Jovovich sounding female started well but soon fell into pregnant pauses and arty slow-mo pouting Angelina Jolie style with Lips quivering from the off did not bode well for this Scifi flick!
Some eye candy for the guys in the form of two ladies with zero acting ability but made up for it in ample proportions with some extra large bazookas and the usual bare chested six packed hunk who to be honest wasn't that bad an actor and of course Danny Trejo thrown in for good measure and box office poster cudos!
The script - oh boy its bad, real corny bad , there are just some lines that made me shake my head; "Men drinking their own p**s , do you want to drink your own p**s and eat your own s**t" - those lines have to be heard to be believed. I hid under the couch it was that bad!
The story , well its a bit of a Terminator clone (Its a case of spot the similarities) but of the Scifi channel level of movie making and instead of steel robots you get Golds Gym muscle guys with a cape and Bane mask to hide their ugly fizzogs and a nice BFG melded onto their arm where the hand should be and the cheap (Mad Max Style) dune buggies as used in many a low budgeter to transport the cast around the desert!
There are some real technical howlers; like the "Oblivion'esque" flying drones who can identify human DNA from 1000 metres with an optical sensor - cmon guys , if you are going to make a scifi movie then at least use a little common sense and the computer screens and displays look like they were either done on the directors ZX-Spectrum or BBC Micro.The one thing the movie does exceptionally well are the gore effects - i wont spoil it but there are some really rather innovative and disgusting moments (you have been warned!).
All in all if you like low budget Scifi channel straight to video malarky (or big bazookas and six packs) this might pass the evening but don't expect Terminator style effects or a great script but it has its funny moments and of course the big bazookas, lots of grunts , screams and unnecessary swearing as usual, some old style space effects that don't look CGI but the old way of doing effects with models (which i like) and Danny Trejo really needs to invest in a new pair of false teeth or at least a smokers toothbrush!
I would have given it 4 but I am giving it 5 for the big bazookas, Danny Trejo, some really rather excellent gore effects and the computer geek who was not bad!