Essex Vendetta full movie review - The quote on the cover is the most interesting thing about the film..
**** 'original Crime thriller' Written by someone called Dan.
Now if he means Original in the way that there has never been a film called Essex Vendetta made before, then fair play to him, he's spot on (or her, might be a Daniella).
But other than that, it's just another wannabe gangster film written by a chap who plays a foreign policeman in this, and some other recognisable people you've seen crop up in past episodes of Bulman, Boon, The Gentle Touch, or anything Leslie Grantham was in at the height of his fame......A.K.A that time when it was okay for your mum to fancy him.
But the most amazing thing about this film, is that like many other films with Essex in the title, it's literally cashing in on a place in the Borough of London famous for having the most abhorrent, plastic, pretentious people living there.
Whatever element of story this has goes something along these lines.......
Spencer is an ordinary man, living an ordinary life, who is about to be drawn into the dangerous and violent world of organised crime.
To protect his family's future Spencer journeys from the streets of Essex to the shores of Malta on a mission that will involve murder, swearing, bad-acting, treachery, and betrayal.......
I've said I'll never watch a film with the word Essex in the title, but they are my Kryptonite, the one I miss might be the Citizen Kane of sweary gangster straight to DVD films.
This featured the 'talents' of one Daniella Westbrook, and that just made me laugh out loud, a former Eastender, whose private life was more entertaining than any role she's played. To me I was sold faster than you could say 'where's my septum'.
But the film is your atypical cookie cutter wannabe crime flick, featuring stupid characters making stupid decisions.
Spencer appears to be have a pinch of common sense, but anybody with a reasonable business income, would never even dream of going into organised crime, especially when you have the stereotypical character who appears to have mental health problems.
Halfway through, the film decides to turn into The Business, and this is one of those rare occasions where I yearned for Danny Dyer to appear on screen. The Business may not be the best film ever made, but the eighties setting is authentic, and it has some interesting characters.
Which this film contains none of.
Dull, incoherent, and featuring a final act that steals from so many better movies, this is another film that will sell lots of units because of it's title and cover quote.
Please don't be fooled, it's a terrible piece of work.