Hansel Vs. Gretel full movie review - I know who my money's on...
Picture the scene: You're a hostage. Two people are looking for you. Along the way, the kidnapper has left tantalising 'clues' as to your location... Complete with your various body parts.
After discovering a severed eye and a pair of testicles, one of your potential rescuers says to the other "He might still be alive!!!!" Under the circumstances, as the victim I think I'd rather be dead.
This is the second reinterpretation I've seen of the age old fairy tale... And it's fascinating to see yet ANOTHER new spin on the fable which has almost nothing to do with the original. In the starry Hollywood reimagining, Hansel was a witch hunter, with Gretel as his partner (and secret good witch), and together they traversed Ye Olde World... Taking out witches with suspiciously (for the time...) modern looking weaponry.
This MUCH lower budget effort relocates the action to present day. Hansel still kills magical crones, Gretel is still his occasional sidekick who happens to be a clandestine sorceress and he still has an array of tools to slaughter them with. Here, though (as the title would imply) Gretel is a BAD witch... And plans to murder her brother after he takes out the competition so she can become chief broomstick-riding black-cat-owning of the local area. Can he find out in time now?
Watchable for the most part, with a harem of sexy witches that couldn't be further from the long nosed. green skinned monsters of yore, this isn't half bad... Until we get to the grande finale. Oops. Not only do the events that transpire not make a lick of sense, but what is supposed to be a special effects laden extravaganza peters out like cheap wine...
We get the SAME DAMN ineffective purple blast effect used OVER and OVER again, and some rubbishy glowing generated nonsense which resembles a pumpkin on Halloween. It's the kind of stuff an amateur could add to his Youtube video using a cheap graphics program... Which is GREAT if you want to impress your school buddies. In a feature film however, it's pretty indefensible... regardless of the cost of production.
Plus, the open ended nature of the conclusion would indicate the word 'sequel' isn't too far from the producer's mind. I'm calling it right now... This will NOT be happening. If they used up their A-material with this, I dread to think what a follow-up would be like... Still, you can't ENTIRELY hate any flick with the immortal exchange: " I can explain..." "YOU BETTER F***ING EXPLAIN WHY YOU TORE OUR GRANDMOTHER'S HEAD OFF!!". Trust me... It's much funnier in context... 4/10