Muck full movie review - A movie about breasts and killer albinos
Okay so I'm a fan of cheesy horror, but this was just terrible. Muck tells a classic horror story of how much the director likes breasts. The breasts are displayed in various ways throughout Muck. In various stages of clothed, unclothed, wet, muddy, screaming, bouncing, etc?
Our story takes place in a town or collection of houses in Cape Cod where the director took acid trips as a teenager which lead to the creation of this film. Side note; do not take drugs while watching this movie. The camera angles and needless effects will make you feel as if you took drugs anyway. We start off with a bang when three pairs of breasts come out of the swamp with two guys, one hurt. They find a dark house conveniently placed right in front of them. The three pairs of breasts and their escorts go into the house to drink. Our hero decides to go find a phone while the breasts and the other escort stay at the house, what could go wrong. As our hero runs out into the night he runs past several houses which may contain phones but no breasts so he continues to run like Forrest Gump. The others are assaulted by the main villains of the film, shirt-less albino farmers with laryngitis. These albinos also enjoy breasts and end up enjoying them too much and kill the breasts and their escort. One pair of breasts does escape the carnage by going back into the swamp. Forrest Gump stumbles into a bar and convinces a group of middle aged bar breasts to use their phone. He naturally uses this to call his cousin. His cousin is busy escorting two pairs of breasts by himself, but decides to take them with him to pick up his cousin. The director also decides at this point to take a swipe at Wes Craven for some reason, because his movie is in the league where Wes Craven is beneath him. Forrest leaves the middle aged breasts to head back to his breasts that he thinks are still alive and bouncing back at the house. He gets lost a bit and comes across a cemetery because you need a cemetery in a horror movie. Nothing happens there though and he runs through it. He does however come across a house where a pair of breasts is undressing, he stops to peep a bit before returning. His cousin is heading to the house in his cab when suddenly there is another group of albino farmers blocking the road. They want the breasts in the cab and proceed to attack them. Somehow theses albinos flip the cab onto its roof and kill one of the pair of breasts. Cab driver and the other pair of breasts head off into the woods and end up at the house. Forrest Gump arrived at the house to find his favorite pair of breasts dead just as his cousin and the other pair of breasts arrive. Awkward dialog takes place to remind the viewer that these two are close cousins that have done stuff together in the past. They go in the house to investigate where the other breasts are. Meanwhile the single pair of breasts that escaped the earlier albino attack has found her way to a shed somewhere, in the swamp. An albino attacks her there and she manages to kill him with a pitchfork. The power in this area seems to suffer from rolling blackouts, despite this the automatic sprinkler system comes on to spray down her breasts in slow motion. That being taken care of the pair of breasts heads back to the house. When she arrives at the house to find Forrest, the cab driver, and the cab drivers pair of breasts, she tells them how the albinos don't like the swamp and won't follow you there. She forgot about the one she killed at the shed I guess.
The albinos then attack the house but as well trained as these albinos seem to be in hand to hand combat, they missed the course on defense from common yard equipment. Our cab driver turns out to be Rambo with a shovel, and takes down the majority of the albinos. He also loses his shirt, because the director didn't notice all the women leave the theater within the first 2 minutes of the film. The remaining breasts and the two guys head into the swamp because the other pair of breasts said the albinos won't follow. Within minutes however they are attacked by a very large albino with really bad laryngitis. Together the two males take him down with Rambo's trusty shovel. Something however in the swamp takes Forrest Gump into the water; this something didn't want the breasts I guess. So Rambo and his pair of breasts are all that's left and the movie closes with the water bubbling around them and Rambo saying "that's not good". The director then blows the remainder of the budget on a credit sequence that would make you think it's a good movie. So in summary this movie is about breasts and albinos whose only weakness is yard tools. The breasts are truly the point of the movie though. The director makes it very evident by centering the breasts in most shots. So if you like breasts and shirtless albino farmers with laryngitis, this movie is for you.