Nine Lives full movie review - They ran out
This is my review for Nine Lives (spoiler free)
Director: Barry Sonnerfeld
Cast: Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Garner, Christopher Walken
Plot: Tom Brand (Spacey) a businessman is celebrating his daughter's birthday and has an accident he then wakes up as the family pet, and though the family does not understand him he has to try to reconcile with his family.
Spacey is known as one of those versatile who make you laugh and cry or even make you fall in love with every role he is in, however this is probably the most preposterous and most studiously inept role he has ever taken. Director/producer Barry Sonnerfeld who made Will Smith, an on screen charm in Men in Black however everything that he screwed up for the third installment of the series is transferred into this, a film that takes pride in calling itself a kids film but fails at that. To put it plainly this film will literally make your brain eject out of your head with such a high velocity. Let's start with the script, the script is poorly laid out and it's written even worse even the actors who are probably the most talented casting choice for a film like this even they look embarrassed to be here, it feels like it's inspired by Nine Months a film that made Hugh Grant unbearable to watch still it's better than this but not much. Spacey stars as Tom Brand a stuffy Trump-like character whose workaholic lifestyle takes him away from his loving family, so during his daughter's birthday he has an accident he then wakes up as the family pet, however this makes one of the most beloved animals in the world a complete joke much like Dr. Suess' Cat in the Hat. He has to reconcile with his family as the cat and all though he tries hard he keeps failing much like this fails to generate laughs. However all is not lost except for perhaps will power, the family hires Felix (Walken) a cat whisperer who speaks to the cat in hope to get something out of him Tom can't stand the cat whisperer, so disaster strikes as the family get into even more cat crap literally and metaphorically Tom then turns into a bad cat and is in a cage until he can behave, still that gives him chance to reconnect with his daughter Rebecca (Malina Weissman) who loathed him at first but since he turned into the cat she falls even more love with him.
As far as character development goes there isn't any so as the film goes one you'll be wondering who these people really are, let's just the gimmick gets better, oh wait too late the FX are dreadful all not too dreadful, because Tom looks like a real cat when he is standing or walking but when he gets picked up or even thrown at some point it looks like a failed attempt to make him, laughable but fails at that. There is one funny bit but then the laughter from the audience die down when Tom falls off a desk he lands on his face, even the trait of cats is to land on their feet. The performances are bland even from Spacey who can literally transform into any role whether it is a fictional psychopath in Se7en or even a relentless romantic from his second Oscar winning performance in American Beauty; however even for him this performance is dreadful, yes even more dreadful than Horrible Bosses the film makes even the most lovable actor unbearable that is no easy feat.
The film even has very poor editing standards it takes ages trying to funny however there is a unfunny selection of cat Youtube videos to enjoy or not enjoy but they are videos that probably everybody has seen before, even the Cobra Cat video which was funny the first time however watching them again is just sad. The editing is so bad at some points that when Tom is jumping from a plane 14,000 feet above New York it looks like green-screen used in a TV Movie lie for instance Sharknado, but even that is more fun than this. Probably the best of this film is the talented cast but you would expect them to be in something better than this painful disaster. Does the ending make up for it? No it does not when it finally gets to the ending the audience has already fallen asleep; the film has a very predictable ending the family find out that the cat is Tom and he has another as the cat to turn back to normal its very predictable still at least they tried?oh wait they barely tried. Remember when Kevin Spacey and Christopher Walken won Oscars? Well this isn't that.
In conclusion this is a dreadful seething mess that if you manage to watch the full 90 minutes your brain would've ejected out of your body, you wouldn't ever think that you would hate Spacey so much. This film takes pride in call itself a kids film tries to overload the audience with an ambush of laughs however fails at that. This is to tedious even for a six year old to enjoy.
Verdict: Spacey's most studiously inept role ever an unfunny and quite frankly stupid mess, your nine lives of will power will soon run out after enduring so much pain. This will even make your cat hiss with anger.
2/10 hiss, scratch, claw, run away