Piranhaconda full movie review - Cheesy... Campy... All the good things a SyFy movie should be...
"Piranhaconda", well the name of the movie is a clear enough indication of what kind of movie and type of entertainment you are in for here; low-budget monster movie with a cheesy story, and probably even more cheesy monster. Well, as this is a SyFy Channel movie, then yes and yes.
The movie starts out wonderfully with a themesong about the piranhacondas. Yes, a song about these wonderful reptilian creatures. It was as epic as the song they had in "Super Shark".
The story takes place in Hawaii, where an apparent freak of nature aberration between a piranha and an anaconda have taken place. How such an unholy union came about to be, we are not given any inside information or facts about. So we can only speculate. The most logical option would be genetic manipulation, but who knows? But these two, yeah not just one, but two, piranhacondas are of gargantuan size, and how they came to grow so big and sustain their diets puzzles me. So the Hawaiian people wouldn't notice a dramatic delve in population, livestock, or whatever it is that these creatures feast upon to grow so big? Again, something not to dwell on.
A group of amateur film makers are out in the Hawaii jungle to shoot a horror movie when they run across this aberration of nature. But they are not just up against these gargantuan snakes, they are also fighting a band of kidnappers. To spice up the story, throw a university scholar into the midst, who wants to study the piranhaconda and bring an egg back to the civilized world. Good plan, eh? Now, the people cast for "Piranhaconda" were actually doing good enough jobs with their roles, and it does seem that people were enjoying making this movie, so that was cool. The dialogue, however, was halting and forced at times, but in a movie of this caliber, that is to be expected and can be forgiven.
The piranhacondas themselves, well, they looked adequate and life-like most of the times, which worked in favor of the movie. There were some scenes, though, where these creatures came off as rather fake. No surprise there.
Another thing that was working well in favor for "Piranhaconda" was the number of casualties throughout the movie. There was a fairly high death-toll in the movie, which was nice. But it gets better, and this part of the movie I loved, whenever the piranhacondas would kill someone, they lunged at the prey (the humans) and the people would vanish in a spray of blood red misty haze. They simply just vanished in a red misty burst. That cracked me up. There were a couple of scenes where you got to see some mutilation, in the form of severed limbs. So it wasn't all bad (if you like gore).
Normally snakes propel themselves forward by slithering, right? Well yeah, as did the piranhacondas, except for one time, where it was chasing after an SUV. Take a look at the creature there, it just darts forward like a straight arrow, all rank and linear. That was so funny. Never seen a snake do that before.
The kidnappers in "Piranhaconda" apparently all attended the "College For Goons Shooting Badly". They were shooting at the protagonists, and fired several dozens, if not hundreds of bullets, and not a single bullet struck or penetrated the vehicle. That was pretty good shooting right there, especially as it was a fairly short distance.
Another of these goofs, were as they headed to the dock to sail away in a small boat, the professor (played by Michael Madsen) had the jar with the piranhaconda eggs in it. Prior throughout all the movie, the eggs was submerged in some kind of fluorescent green slime, but at the docks, there was no slime in the jar. Then a little later on as they had left the docks, the jar was out again, only this time the green slime was back.
Another lovely goof was when the stuntman (one of the protagonists, played by Rib Hillis) was out in the jungle, he just happened to come across a blue quad-bike that conveniently had been left unattended and ready to drive in the middle of the Hawaiian jungle. That never happens where I live.
Despite these flaws and cheesy things, then "Piranhaconda" was actually fun entertainment. You know exactly what you are in for with these kind of SyFy monster movies. They are like traffic accidents, you know you shouldn't look, but you just can't help it. The story was campy and cheesy, which makes it fun to watch, and the creatures were so over the top that it just becomes plain fun.
The ending of the movie was really great actually, so hooray for SyFy for that one! Didn't see that coming actually, so it was a nice surprise.
When you're in Hawaii look behind you, 'coz that's where the piranhaconda's gonna be...